we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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