Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
