I think im going to throw up on grandma
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize