i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
