I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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