It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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