Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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