just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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