yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
