he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
