My liver just broke up with me...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment