Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'

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(703): we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret' http://tfl.nu/447f

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(540): View more from Virginia

i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.

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(540): i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low. http://tfl.nu/0dri

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(815): View more from Illinois

We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...

(847): View more from Illinois

And they lived happily ever after....

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(815): We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal... (847): And they lived happily ever after.... http://tfl.nu/htue

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(417): View more from Missouri

My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.

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(417): My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong. http://tfl.nu/opsu

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(515): View more from Iowa

Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.

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(515): Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea. http://tfl.nu/mtdi

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(513): View more from Ohio

just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America

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(513): just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America http://tfl.nu/08yj

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(605): View more from South Dakota

You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.

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(605): You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home. http://tfl.nu/7njn

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.

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(508): NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY. http://tfl.nu/zzc9

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(416): View more from Toronto

When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons

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(416): When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons http://tfl.nu/nkke

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(802): View more from Vermont

He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?

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(802): He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been? http://tfl.nu/bs5q

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?

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(508): i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now? http://tfl.nu/8a2l

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(214): View more from Texas

Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.

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(214): Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done. http://tfl.nu/4t9f

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.

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(918): I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand. http://tfl.nu/relm

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(908): View more from New Jersey

i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago

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(908): i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago http://tfl.nu/q8gp

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(818): View more from California

The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.

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(818): The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink. http://tfl.nu/7x1a

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