Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.