Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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