I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
