A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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