If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
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