You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
