ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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