its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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