we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
