I seem to have left my pride at pride
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize