sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
