They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
