Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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