WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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