i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
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Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize