I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
