I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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