you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
