No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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