Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
