the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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