I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
