Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
