My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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