Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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