I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
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He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
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Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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