drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
