If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize