My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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