Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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