So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
