He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
