textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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