she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
