he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
