Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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