I will die if light touches me.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
