saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
