everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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