So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
