Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
