Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
