they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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