took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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