he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just found puke in my bra..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
