He kissed a someone with a penis
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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