Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
