yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
