She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I need water and some morals
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
