so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
