i just wanna soil my oats bro
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
