All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
