You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
