you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
