Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
